No, really, I am human....

Tonight, I was cruising through a Face Book friend's photos when I ran into a couple of photos of this guy I am subscribed to on You Tube. It literally took my breath away to see him there looking so incredibly handsome. He apparently was in San Fransisco. Sweet, since I believe he lives in London. As you might be able to tell from this, I have a little crush on him. I could so get lost in those lush, big brown eyes. Not many people can do that to me, he can and does. I am sure though that he does that to a lot of people, he's that hot, either that or I believe that because he's so my type. Dark, handsome, fucking brilliant. Incredibly brilliant mind. Damn I love people with severely high IQs. If I had any hormones in my body right now I just might be drooling.

I actually saw a couple of guys I am subscribed to on You Tube in that photo album. That was really cool. I don't know why seeing guys I am subscribed to on You Tube in still photographs, just hanging with other people or whatever, so affirming. Maybe because on You Tube they are usually alone, just talking. Perhaps it is because in the stills they are captured for that moment, the essence of their beingness shinning through as you gaze into their eyes. Hard to do that in a video on You Tube.

I have been thinking about dragging out the webcam and starting a vlog on You Tube. There isn't a whole lot of representation out there for men in my age group that are just starting transition. I have thought often that if someone (I guess that would be me) in the 50 plus age group had an ongoing vlog, that it might help other trans men out there looking for answers or just another soul they could relate to going through the same thing they are going through. Hell, I cry watching these young guys transform. I feel their joy and pain. Imagine what it might do for someone like myself who feels so alone and without a peer in the world. Anyway, I don't know if that will happen any time soon. I have far too much else going on at the moment to start a real vlog of any substance. If I am going to head to DC to begin transitioning in a few months, I will have no real energy to put into vlogging for some time.

Oh yeah, DC, some of you don't know anything about DC yet. I haven't said much because it's not set in stone yet. I was invited to move to DC for 6 months to "whenever", to help me get my transition shit together. I am discovering that transitioning here in The Medical Hell of Northwest Arkansas is proving to be far more exasperating than I had imagined. Northwest Arkansas is about 10 to 20 years behind either coast medically. For trans gendered folk, they are living back during the Spanish Inquisition. Those of us who are trans gendered tend to have to travel great distances to get something as simple as hormone therapy. Yes, it sucks to be us here.

I don't really have anything pressing in my life to hold me here right now. I am selling my business and finding someone to house sit for the time period I am gone. That's a lot of what is taking up my time right now, getting my ducks in a row so that I can close up life here and leave. I will miss my daughter fiercely. But they invented this thing called the telephone and more recently email, Face Book, Skype and such. We will stay in close enough touch while I am gone. Perhaps I can even bring her out to see our nations capitol in summer. Who knows. Hell, I have never seen our nations capitol, so hey, it's all good and they have clinics there that are geared to care for the transitional therapy necessary for trans gendered people.

Yeah, so... really, I wrote this because, damn he's hot and those pictures of him, well, dayum. Got my little heart to racing a tad and I just had to write that down. See? I am human after all *grin*....

We the people...

I spend a tremendous amount of time searching the web. In the last 14 years or so I have bought at least 2 houses, partnered with someone I met in a chat room, lived with them for 13 years, had a child with them, and found the surgeon who will do my top surgery for me, all here on the Internet. I also found my newest car, and because I live out in the middle of absolutely nowhere, I do a lot of shopping online too.

So it should be of no shock that I spend hours on the Internet searching for other trans men such as myself, reading their blogs, watching and listening to their lives and experiences on YouTube, searching for the results of different surgical techniques, the effects of T on the body, shit like that. It's my personal research library at home. Back in the day (pre-internet) I used to go to the U of A research library when I needed information, in particular, doing demographic studies and such since I was a marketing professional back in the day. Even in the very beginning of the Internet explosion, I still had to go to the university to get data as it was not as yet available on the web. That was not always convenient since the U of A is 60 miles from my house.

Now, there is very little I can't get information or specific statistics on anymore. A few key words and I am lost for hours on end taking in information.

Like (left over colloquialism from living in the San Fernando Valley for 25 years), I have been perplexed about a particular terminology I have seen cropping up in nearly everything I search through related to transitioning. The term is cis. It's an adjective. It's used in reference to people who are born without gender dysphoria issues.

Here's where I found a description of it: this ain't livin'

For those of you too tired or bored to go to that page I will copy a short excerpt for you here:

"Readers may note that I use the term “cis” a fair amount in reference to gender. In a nutshell, “cis” is derived from a Latin word meaning “on the same side.” When used with reference to gender, it means that someone’s experience of gender matches one's gender assigned at birth; a person born with a penis and testicles who is assigned male and identifies as male is a cis man.

“Cis” is a neologism which was coined in the ongoing struggle to define gender and talk about gender issues. It was specifically invented so that a word would be available to talk about people with gender identities which have always matched their sex. It’s not appropriate to refer to these people as “normal” or “regular” or “real” when contrasting them with people on the trans spectrum, and “not trans” is kind of a clumsy term to use. So, we use the word cis."

So basically what it comes down to is, "we" (the entire population of "other" gendered people within the English speaking world) have given you (non trans people) a name to reference to you when writing or speaking. Cool huh?

Ok, you know I am just joking around, but seriously, no one consulted me when coining this new adjective to describe non-trans folk. I also wanted to know who the "we" that he is referring to here are. We the people? We the Wordsmiths of the trans world? We who? Who makes up these words anyway? I am wondering if the originator can be found on Wikipedia, complete with credit for said creation of this new terminology. I may Google that later.

Anyway, so now I know. Now I do not feel so incredibly inept and such a politically incorrect Neanderthal still living in the 20th Century. Being out of the mainstream of cutting edge everything since I moved here from Los Angeles 20 years ago, has left me in the dust with the changing times. I, who used to be so politically correct on nearly every subject known to modern 20th Century Western culture (including *gasp* fashion and hair), am lost in the backwaters of rural Arkansas where we still say things like "I'm fixin to go to the Walmarts, wanna come with?", or my personal favorite "That needs fixed." (insert any verb such as ironed, washed, throwed out, fired up, shot, after needs and this phrase works). A good percentage of the population (both male and female, cis or not) wears overalls on a regular basis (you see this fashion statement in Walmart, a lot). We are not just living in the 20th Century still, in some cases, we are living in the 70's, or worse the 60's. We are so backwards here that they had to pry my old Razor phone out of my cold dead fingers a few weeks back and drag me forcibly into the year 2010 by shoving a LG SomethingorOther (who cares, it has a fucking keyboard I can text on) into my hand. Damn Commies. That's Un-American, is what it is.

But it's ok, cause now I can text the word cis with confidence on my new phone, living in the year 2010 with a new adjective that is politically correct.

See how wonderful the Internet is?

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