No, really, I am human....

Tonight, I was cruising through a Face Book friend's photos when I ran into a couple of photos of this guy I am subscribed to on You Tube. It literally took my breath away to see him there looking so incredibly handsome. He apparently was in San Fransisco. Sweet, since I believe he lives in London. As you might be able to tell from this, I have a little crush on him. I could so get lost in those lush, big brown eyes. Not many people can do that to me, he can and does. I am sure though that he does that to a lot of people, he's that hot, either that or I believe that because he's so my type. Dark, handsome, fucking brilliant. Incredibly brilliant mind. Damn I love people with severely high IQs. If I had any hormones in my body right now I just might be drooling.

I actually saw a couple of guys I am subscribed to on You Tube in that photo album. That was really cool. I don't know why seeing guys I am subscribed to on You Tube in still photographs, just hanging with other people or whatever, so affirming. Maybe because on You Tube they are usually alone, just talking. Perhaps it is because in the stills they are captured for that moment, the essence of their beingness shinning through as you gaze into their eyes. Hard to do that in a video on You Tube.

I have been thinking about dragging out the webcam and starting a vlog on You Tube. There isn't a whole lot of representation out there for men in my age group that are just starting transition. I have thought often that if someone (I guess that would be me) in the 50 plus age group had an ongoing vlog, that it might help other trans men out there looking for answers or just another soul they could relate to going through the same thing they are going through. Hell, I cry watching these young guys transform. I feel their joy and pain. Imagine what it might do for someone like myself who feels so alone and without a peer in the world. Anyway, I don't know if that will happen any time soon. I have far too much else going on at the moment to start a real vlog of any substance. If I am going to head to DC to begin transitioning in a few months, I will have no real energy to put into vlogging for some time.

Oh yeah, DC, some of you don't know anything about DC yet. I haven't said much because it's not set in stone yet. I was invited to move to DC for 6 months to "whenever", to help me get my transition shit together. I am discovering that transitioning here in The Medical Hell of Northwest Arkansas is proving to be far more exasperating than I had imagined. Northwest Arkansas is about 10 to 20 years behind either coast medically. For trans gendered folk, they are living back during the Spanish Inquisition. Those of us who are trans gendered tend to have to travel great distances to get something as simple as hormone therapy. Yes, it sucks to be us here.

I don't really have anything pressing in my life to hold me here right now. I am selling my business and finding someone to house sit for the time period I am gone. That's a lot of what is taking up my time right now, getting my ducks in a row so that I can close up life here and leave. I will miss my daughter fiercely. But they invented this thing called the telephone and more recently email, Face Book, Skype and such. We will stay in close enough touch while I am gone. Perhaps I can even bring her out to see our nations capitol in summer. Who knows. Hell, I have never seen our nations capitol, so hey, it's all good and they have clinics there that are geared to care for the transitional therapy necessary for trans gendered people.

Yeah, so... really, I wrote this because, damn he's hot and those pictures of him, well, dayum. Got my little heart to racing a tad and I just had to write that down. See? I am human after all *grin*....